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serenehue
So yesterday was my birthday. My husband works from 7-5:30 and gets home around 6. His usual routine is that he’ll eat dinner with me and our 2yr daughter, might spend a little time with her, but usually will go in the bedroom and play online with his friends until about 9, sometimes 10. Well after he got home, I went out and got my daughter some books from the store (since I promised her a surprise) and got subway for us to eat. Before I left he told me that he would be playing with our daughter while I was gone. I go 10 minutes down the road to the store and within 5 minutes of being there, I try calling him to ask him if he wanted something. The call kept getting declined (which usually means our daughter has his phone watching cartoons). So I finish up there, head to subway, and then go home. I get home and he’s on the game like I thought. He had already played a few matches at the point and didn’t come out to come eat. I gave him some time and then walked in to ask if he was going to come out to eat, he said he would after his match, and then kept playing. I go back into the room and started eating my sandwich because I was hungry . Eventually he comes out, grabs his sandwich, and then goes back into the room.
He eventually comes out, sees I’m hurting on the couch, asks if the baby was making me sore (I’m 8months pregnant), and then went back to playing after I said yes. At that time, I just got up so I could give our daughter a bath and then put her to bed. It’s 9 at this point and I just start crying in the kitchen as I’m doing stuff that needs to get done. He comes out to get a drink, with his headset still on, and saw I was crying. He immediately tells his friends he has to get off and goes to put his stuff up. He comes back out and the first thing he said was “I messed up, didn’t I?” And I told him how my feelings were hurt by his lack of care to want to spend time me or our daughter and didn’t take at least one night to take a break from his game considering it was my birthday. I could tell he felt guilty and bad for hurting my feelings and he apologized and hugged me, but I haven’t been able to shake my hurt and still feel upset this morning about it.
It’s only my 25th, so it’s not like it’s an important one, but it just sucks that when I look back on this particular birthday that this is what I’m going to remember. I don’t know what I expect posting this, but I think I’m just wanting to vent :(
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meli8mel
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! I’m sorry he didn’t shower you with affection and surprises. Sucks to be disappointed on your special day :(
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Marshallbaby2
I think you need to have serious conversation about priorities, why does he need to game every single night. He should be doing bedtimes and being with his family. I’m sorry but you are accepting this behavior and he has no reason to change. If you want better for yourself and your daughter you need to set an example bc truly good partners and fathers do not behave this way. Happy Birthday , please gift yourself something nice!
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NorthernAttitude
A conversation needs to happen ASAP about setting boundaries with gaming. Does he make an income off playing, or is it a hobby?
Everyone needs hobbies, however when it’s every single night for hours and he’s neglecting to spend time with you and your kid(s), that’s crossing over into a gaming addiction. What’s going to happen next month when you have two children?
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Amyga2003
He sucks for this. And the fact that this is DAILY?! I don’t see how you wanted a second child with this man. He hardly takes care of and spends time with the one you already have. How gross. I’d have a serious talk now because you’ll drown with a toddler and a newborn if your husband continues to be this uninvolved.
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Pettymayonaise26
He’s a loser. He needs to grow up. I will die on this hill with everyone else who has a spouse who’s always playing video games. Grow TF up.
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PennyB2022
“It’s only my 25th” idc if it’s your 52… every birthday is important and to be celebrated.
I would have a serious talk with him. His actions were completely unacceptable. I would tell him that starting today no more gaming when the family is awake and no more gaming on holidays/special events.
My husband and I take off each others birthdays to celebrate each other. No excuses.
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AprilBaby2023happy
Happy Birthday!!
If you’re hurting and 8 months pregnant he needs to do bath.
It’s only going to get harder when the baby arrives. He needs to start helping with bath/bedtime NOW not when you have a newborn crying and a toddler that wants more attention.
I know you probably do it bc it’s easier for you, I’ve done the same, when I realized that my time was going to be split between a newborn and toddler I made sure my husband was able to handle the toddler.
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GreasyThong
Happy birthday!!! 25th is a big one, they all are.
For what it's worth, I think the fact that he realized immediately that he messed up and actually had remorse will go a long way. Have the talk, set some boundaries, and tell him he owes you a night out. Something tells me he'll be receptive.
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BabyMPC
@GreasyThong,
I completely agree with you!
Op, my husband used to be a gamer, and it drove me absolutely crazy. When I found out I was pregnant I had a discussion with my husband about the example and life we wanted to provide for our son.
I didn’t tell him he could never play, but I really stressed the importance of him utilizing his time in a way that benefited the family, and that he was the greatest example for our son of what a man should be, and if he wanted to lead our son to a happy successful life he needed to make some changes to his priorities.
My son is 2.5 and my husband has not fallen back into his old habits.
It sounds like your husband obviously loves you and his family and should be receptive to that conversation. I hope it gets better!
Happy birthday!
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jajj7
“It’s only my 25th, so it’s not like it’s an important one”
this, friend, is a very negative statement to make. I have learned that if you are hurt by something, don’t try to un-justify your feelings. You’re hurt and valid in your hurt. Every birthday is important! Just because it’s not a “huge” milestone doesn’t mean it isn’t important.
Happy birthday!
Maybe have a conversation with him about moving forward, more limitations on how long he plays daily/weekly.
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kap88
Happy Birthday! I’m sorry you day wasn’t as planned. You’re feelings are totally valid!
Definitely have a conversation with him, one on one with no distractions. See if you two can compromise on a time for his gaming. That’s really all you can do. If he holds up his end of the agreement than that’s wonderful! If not, I would maybe just try to accept that this is who you’re with so you don’t keep having ruined expectations.
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